


The Only One

by twdsunshine



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 09:35:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18635500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twdsunshine/pseuds/twdsunshine
Summary: When the dead started walking, the reader and her daughter, Leni, were completely lost and far from home, but their lives were saved when they found the Sanctuary.  Negan takes her daughter under his wing, and before long the reader begins to wonder whether maybe she could give Leni a real family, despite the world as they knew it coming to an end.  But things are just never that simple… Are they?





	The Only One

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a dream that @negans-wife told me about on Tumblr, minus an albino zombie alligator and some Super Mario fighting moves...

The sky outside the Sanctuary was burning orange, streaked through with red and gold, as the sun sank slowly out of sight.  Your stomach was comfortably full and, as you settled back in your chair, taking a sip of whiskey, you stretched out your arm, absent-mindedly stroking your fingers through your daughter’s hair.  It made you happy to see her smiling, hear her chatting away, giggling even.  For a long time it had been just the two of you, out of the road, scared for your lives and a long way from home, and you’d wondered if you’d ever hear her laugh again.  But now, her eyes were sparkling as she threw her head back, lips parted in a wide grin.  She glanced your way at the contact and, though you knew she was a teenager now and probably resented you invading her space, she didn’t shrug you off or roll her eyes.  She was a good girl, and you were glad that you could give her a better life, one that she deserved.

Meeting Negan had changed it all.  Finding the Sanctuary had been a win in itself and when they’d agreed to take you in, let you stay, you thought you must’ve died and gone to heaven.  There was food, so much food, and actual beds to sleep in.  It was almost as if the world hadn’t come grinding to a halt all those months ago.  You’d been offered a job in the kitchens, cooking for the workers, and Leni would earn points by cleaning in the mornings before her classes.  It was a simple life, but you’d been content in the knowledge that your daughter was safe.

You’d been walking the halls when you’d encountered the leader for the first time.  You remembered that you’d been gently scolding Leni for a throwaway comment she’d made about one of her teachers, fighting to keep the amusement from your face, but her attention had been stolen away by the appearance of a tall, rangy man leaning in one of the doorways.  You’d known immediately who he was.  Though you hadn’t crossed his path before, Negan’s reputation preceded him, and it was with some hesitation that you paused, nodding your head in greeting.  

‘Ladies.’  He’d stepped from the shadows, and you’d been surprised to see the warmth in his eyes as he regarded you, gaze lingering just a little too long before slipping to Leni, his cheeks dimpling as he smiled.  ‘I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met.  I’m Negan.’

‘Well, duh.’  

You cringed at Leni’s retort, covering your heated cheeks with your hands as you shook your head.  ‘God, I’m sorry.  You’ll have to excuse my daughter.  It seems she’s forgotten her manners today.’

‘Shit, doll,’ Negan’s smile had only grown.  ‘If you ask me manners are fucking overrated anyway.  What’s your name, sweetheart?’

‘Leni.’  She’d stuck out her hand, and he’d shaken it firmly.  ‘I like your bat.’

‘This here’s my Lucille,’ he’d told her proudly, raising the wire-wrapped monstrosity so she could see it better.  ‘She’s a beauty, ain’t she?’

‘So cool.’  Your daughter’s eyes had been wide with awe.  ‘Mum won’t let me carry a weapon.  Well, only this thing.’  She’d pulled the small switch-knife that you permitted her to have from her pocket, arching a brow to indicate just how uncool she thought that was.

‘A little blade for a little lady.’  It had been the right thing to say as her disapproval eased a little, and he’d gestured for her to hand it to him, flicking it open and shooting her a wink.  ‘Y’know, this is pretty fucking cool.  Perfect for a sneak attack, am I right?  Creep up on some unsuspecting asshole and just…’  He’d tailed off as he plunged the blade downward, eliciting a burst of laughter from the hard-to-impress teen.  ‘Keep this handy, princess.  It’ll do you right one of these days.’  His eyes had flicked to you then.  ‘And what about Mom?’

‘Y/N,’ you’d introduced yourself, considering proffering your hand before deciding against it.

‘Is that right?’  There had been something about his stare, the intensity, how it seemed to see right through you.  

You’d swallowed hard, resting your hand on the small of Leni’s back under the pretence of guiding her away.  ‘C’mon, baby girl.  Bedtime for you.  It was nice to meet you, Negan.’

‘Likewise.’

You could feel his eyes on you as you walked away, scorching a trail down your spine, but you’d focused on Leni, on keeping her moving and eventually you’d rounded the corner and moved out of sight.

Two weeks later it had been your frantic search for your daughter, missing since her lessons ended, that had thrown you into his path once again.  You must’ve walked the halls several times over before you’d heard her voice, loud and clear, drifting out from the room you knew to be Negan’s office.  You’d knocked hesitantly, sucking in a deep breath when the door had swung open to reveal her beaming face.  

‘Leni, where the hell have you been?  I’ve been looking everywhere.’

‘I’ve been here.’  Her smile had dropped into a pout, bottom lip jutting out just as it had when she was little.  ‘Hanging out with Negan.’

Your cheeks flamed with embarrassment and you’d glanced up to see the man himself, watching from behind his desk.  ‘I’m sorry.  I didn’t know she was-’

‘It’s fine, Mom.’  He’d tilted his head to one side and beckoned you in with a single long finger.  You stepped inside, but fixed your daughter with a fearsome glare.  

‘You have homework?’

‘Well, yeah, but-’

‘Then perhaps you should go and get it done before dinner.’  She’d huffed, and you could see it cross her mind to stamp her foot and throw a hissy fit, but she thought better of it and flounced out instead, letting the door slam shut behind her.  ‘I’m sorry,’ you said again, once her footsteps her receded.  ‘I didn’t know she was making a nuisance of herself.  Next time, please, just send her away.’

‘She’s a real firecracker, huh?’  Negan had eased himself out of his chair, rounding the desk so he could lean against it, legs crossed at the ankle.  You’d been expecting his act to falter once your daughter had gone, but he was still smiling, eyes crinkling at the corners.  

‘She’s something.’  You’d raised an eyebrow.  ‘It hasn’t been easy for her, growing up like this.  She’s old enough to remember what it was like before, but not old enough to be able to protect herself, make her own decisions.  It’s frustrating.’

‘She was telling me,’ he’d confessed.  ‘About your time out on the road.  Sounds like you went through some shit.’

You’d shrugged.  ‘Well, we don’t know the area, didn’t have anybody but each other.  We got by.’

‘You were on vacation over here when this all started?’

‘Yes.’  You’d shifted uncomfortably, wondering just how he’d managed to get Leni to open up to him so easily when some days all you got from her were petulant teenage grunts.  ‘We’d been saving up.  Flights from Germany, they’re not cheap.  It was supposed to be a treat.’  You scoffed at the idea now.  ‘Didn’t exactly go to plan.’

‘I wondered where the accent was from.’  He’d drummed his fingers against the desk’s edge, still watching you intently.  ‘First time we met, I couldn’t place it.  Drove me fucking mad.’

‘You could’ve asked.’

‘I don’t like to pry.’  His face was serious for a beat, before creasing once again.  ‘Shit, who the fuck am I kidding?  I love to pry!  People, man!  They’re the only thing that really matters now the world’s gone to hell and I like to know exactly who I’ve got at my disposal in this place.’

‘Makes sense,’ you’d admitted.

‘So, whaddya say you join me for dinner tonight, you and your girl, huh?  We can get to know each other better.’

‘Oh, I…’  You’d tailed off, unsure how to refuse, but then his dimples deepened as if your uncertainty amused him, and suddenly you hadn’t wanted to anymore.  ‘Okay.  That’d be…’

‘A blast,’ he finished for you.  ‘I’ve got some stuff to finish up here, but come by in an hour or two and I’ll have the kitchen send up some food.’

You’d been on the lunch shift today, so you’d have no part of cooking the meal, but you knew it was Leni’s favourite on the menu.  ‘I’ll look forward to it.’

‘Trust me, so will I.’

That dinner had been the first of many you’d shared together.  You found that you felt relaxed in Negan’s company, and Leni couldn’t get enough of him.  Luckily, you observed, the affection seemed to be mutual.  Before long, he was treating her as if she was his own daughter, and, though you’d initially worried that at some point he would inevitably let her down, forced to keep her at a distance whilst his duties took precedence, it hadn’t happened yet and those fears had ebbed away.  When he’d returned from a supply run with a leather jacket that was almost a carbon copy of his in a smaller size, holding it out so she could slide her arms into the sleeves and adjusting it so that it sat straight on her shoulders, it had only cemented their bond, and you’d watched on proudly as she’d wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed a grateful kiss to his whiskery cheek.

Sometimes, it almost felt like… Like you were a family.  Mom and Dad and teenage daughter just coming out of her most difficult years, though nothing had ever transpired between the two of you, the heat you’d felt during your first couple of meetings fizzling out into a comfortable friendship.  Still, you let yourself enjoy the fantasy, as you were now, turning your attention back to the conversation.  The sun disappeared completely and, outside, the world was cast into shadow.  

Leni was still talking, but Negan was chipping in, sharing stories of a fearsome lecturer he’d had at college as she lamented the heavy load of homework she’d been assigned by Tabitha, who’d recently taken over the teaching of the Sanctuary’s eldest children.  

‘I mean, when will I ever need to know trigonometry anyway?’ she grumbled.  ‘Or algebra or chemistry?  It’s a waste of time.’

‘It’s important,’ you cut in, fixing her with a pointed look.  ‘Knowledge is power, Leni, and you never know when it might come in handy.’

‘Your mom’s right.’  Where she’d been about to argue with you, Negan’s support had her rolling her eyes and slouching in her seat, sure signs of reluctant acceptance.  ‘Hey, maybe we’ll set you up some sort of internship, huh?  Get you working your way up the ladder round here.  You can spend a couple of afternoons a week with some of my best guys, some of the workers too, see exactly what they do all day.  Might find that education will be put to better use than you thought.’

‘You can really do that?’

‘Shit, doll, did you miss the fact that I’m in charge round here?  I can do anything.’  She nodded eagerly, and he finished what was left of his drink, shooting you a wink as you shook your head.  You’d never have imagined that your daughter would be so keen to work, but Negan had a way of making it all sound so exciting for her.  ‘Now, it’s getting late, so you better take your ass off to bed, alright, princess?  I need a minute alone with your mom.’

When your daughter had kissed you both on the cheek and headed back to her room, silence settled over you, and you leant back in your chair, stretching your legs out in front of you.

‘You’re so good with her.’

‘Yeah, well, she’s a good kid.’

‘She is,’ you acknowledged.  ‘Amazing really, given everything she’s been through.’

‘You wouldn’t know it to look at her.  Girl’s got her feet on the ground.’  Avoiding your gaze, he levered himself to his feet, wandering over to the window and looking out into the darkness, and for the first time, you wondered what it was that he’d wanted to discuss with you alone.

‘Is everything okay?’

‘Yeah, it’s fine, doll.  I, er, I just… There’s something I want to ask you, and I want you to hear me out before you shut me down, okay?’

You nodded slowly.  ‘Okay.’

‘Alright.’  He moved towards you again, folding himself onto the seat that Leni had vacated and resting his elbows on his knees.  ‘Y/N, I want you to be my wife.’

Your jaw dropped.  You hadn’t seen that coming, despite the fantasy you’d been indulging just moments ago, and you scrambled desperately for something to say, but he was still talking.

‘I mean, it makes sense, right?  You and me, we get on like a house on fire, and I fucking love that girl of yours.  I want to be able to do more for you, and if you were mine, I could. I could give you everything.’

‘I already have everything I need.’  That, at least, was true.  Since joining the Sanctuary, you never felt as if you went without.

‘Yeah, okay, but… C’mon, don’t look at me like I’ve lost my damn mind, sweetheart.  You seriously gonna tell me you’ve never thought about this?’

‘I haven’t.’

‘Really?  Not once when we’ve been sitting round this table, like a family, have you looked at me and thought this could be something more?  You’re lying to yourself.’

Maybe you were.  It would be easy to let your feelings go there, you knew.  It was something you’d been fighting.  Negan was handsome and charming, and he’d done a lot for you and for your daughter.  You got the feeling that he would never let you down and that was exactly the sort of man you needed in this world.  Except, of course, for the small fact that he was already married.

‘You have six wives already,’ you pointed out, pushing your chair back so you could stand. ‘That’s not something I want to be a part of.’

‘But what we have-‘

‘No,’ you cut him off.  ‘I could be happy with you, Negan.  You look after both of us and I like you, probably more than I should.  But I grew up believing that marriage is between two people, just two, and that doesn’t go away just because the dead start walking.  If anything that loyalty, that commitment, is more important that it’s ever been.  Besides, what sort of example would I be setting for my daughter?  That isn’t the kind of life I want for her.’

The atmosphere between you had grown tense, and you hastily finished your drink, aware of his eyes on you.

‘So, you’re saying no?’

'I am.’

'Not many people in this place that are brave enough to say no to me.’

You shuddered at how cold his voice had become and you felt your own gaze darken.  'Is that a threat?’

'What?’  A flicker of guilt sprang to life in your chest as he shook his head.  'Shit, I- No, doll, I just… I just didn’t see this playing out this way, that’s all.’

‘Well, I’m sorry, Negan.  I- I wasn’t expecting this and… I’m just sorry.’  He was softening you could see it, and you took a step towards him, reaching for his hand.  'I don’t want this to change anything, okay?  I really don’t.  Leni loves you, so much.  She needs you.  I need you.  I don’t want to lose what we have here.’

He moved before you could even register what was happening, fingers tightening around yours as he yanked you forwards, and then you were on his lap and his arms were around you, and you were drowning in the whiskey-leather scent of him.  His hands were gentle as they cupped your face, and when his lips brushed yours, you forgot all of the reasons why you should be pulling away.  Instead, you let him kiss you.

Negan kissed you like you were a delicacy that he wanted to savour, like he was holding himself back from devouring you completely because he wanted to drag the experience out, make it last, relishing the taste of you on his tongue.  The scratch of his stubble against your skin was exquisite and the feel of his broad chest pressed against you, warm and solid, make your knees go weak.  

But then, just as suddenly, he was pulling away and shooting you a sinful smile as you fought for breath.

'Sure, sweetheart, nothing has to change if you don’t want it to.  But it’d be a damn shame if I never got to do that again.’

 

* * *

 

The next week passed in a blur as you battled the turmoil inside of you.  Negan’s kiss had stirred something up, deep in your belly, and now it was all you could think about.  It had been so long since you’d been kissed that way, since you’d been wanted the way he seemed to want you, and you had to admit that the temptation to give in was strong.  You liked him, of course you did.  Trusted him.  Wanted him.  Loved him?  Maybe.  It had happened so subtly you’d barely noticed it, and yet, each time he’d talked Leni out of a strop or given her a gift, each time you’d talked endlessly over dinner and into the night, he’d stolen a little piece of your heart, and that kiss had simply given him access to what was left.  But, you told yourself, you’d been right to turn him down.  Yes, his offer might have given you the chance to give your daughter a real family, but she wasn’t stupid.  She knew about the others and that dynamic wasn’t something you ever wanted to explain.

Instead, you kept your distance.  When the usual dinner invitations came, you passed them up, sending Leni on her own and pleading tiredness, spending the evening in your own room with a book, trying to lose yourself in the story so you could forget about your own inner-conflict.  You avoided Negan in the halls, and, when he’d sought you out in the kitchen during your shift, you’d ducked into one of the supply cupboards and busied yourself doing inventory until one of the other girls had stuck her head in and told you he’d gone.  You hated it, this distance, but it was preferable to the tension, the intensity of his expectations, so for now, you figured, it was for the best.  If Leni was curious, she didn’t ask about it, and you wondered whether Negan had told her what he’d asked you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to bring it up.  Better to just keep your head down until his interest waned, and hope that his relationship with your daughter survived it.

The evening was warm when you slipped outside, and you paused for a moment to let the sun’s rays warm your skin.  It was another of those nights where you’d usually be expected to join Negan in his quarters, but you’d sent Leni without you again, using the time to get some fresh air in the hopes of clearing your head.  The grounds were quiet as you wandered around the compound’s perimeter, only the guards on duty nodding to you as you passed by, and when you reached the rear of the building, you found yourself completely alone.  

You left the path, stepping onto the grass to escape the shadows cast by the factory, and in the distance the forest looked warm and welcoming.  It had been a long time since you’d walked through a wood, breathed in the earthiness of nature and picked wildflowers where they sprouted in the patches where the light reached the leaf-strewn floor, and suddenly it seemed more than inviting.  It felt like exactly what you needed: an hour or so away, outside of the fences, to get some fresh perspective and lose yourself for a little while.

Before you could talk yourself out of it, you were crossing to the fence, shrugging off your cardigan so you could throw it across the barbed wire that ran along the top, and beginning to climb.  It wasn’t easy, and you felt the fabric of your trousers snag on the wire as you reached the top, but then you were swinging yourself over and dropping to the ground on the other side, retrieving your cardigan and inspecting it for holes before you slipped it back on.  The dappled sunlight beneath the trees called to you and you hurried towards it, breathing in deep lungfuls of air that wasn’t scented by the rotting flesh of corpses or the distinctive musk of too many bodies crammed into the Sanctuary’s halls.  It was a treat to be out and about, truly alone for the first time in so long, and you revelled in the quiet, broken only by the crunch of the undergrowth beneath your feet and the rustle of birds in the branches above you.  A dusty path snaked its way deeper into the forest, and you followed it, determined not to lose your way as the wood grew denser, and it led you to the bank of a small stream, the water shallow and bubbling over the rocks beneath.

It was there that you decided to sit for a while, dropping down and drawing your knees up to your chest, reaching absentmindedly for a stone and tossing it into the flow, grinning at the plop as it sent ripples spiralling out from its landing place.  The peace and tranquility was already easing the tension in your muscles, the voices in your mind, and you took a deep breath as you began to probe tentatively at your feelings.

You loved Negan, yes.  That was a fact now, though it was one you hated to admit.

And Negan loved you.  Maybe, as a friend.  But was it more than that?  He’d proposed, of course, but you knew he didn’t have any true affection for his other wives, so that in itself didn’t mean all that much.  What you did know was that he loved your daughter, very much, but that in itself wasn’t enough to base a marriage on.

And then of course, there were the other wives.  That was the real sticking point, the issue you just couldn’t see past, but now you thought it through in more detail, imagining yourself saying yes and what that might entail.  You pictured yourself in his bed, wrapped around him, drowning in him as he moved over you, intoxicating you with more of those kisses that made your pulse race and your knees weak.  It would be perfect, you knew, perhaps better than it had ever been before, and he would be yours, all yours.  And then you imagined the following night, lying awake in your bed and trying to ignore the fact that he was with another woman, driving her towards the edge just as he had done you.  Your heart gave a spasm of pain, and you knew your instincts had been right.  You couldn’t do it, not like that.

You ran your fingers through the patch of grass beside you, picking a strand and twisting it into a knot.  There was a satisfaction that came from knowing that you’d made the right decision, and yet a bitter disappointment too.  You knew it would take some time to move past that, to get over him, and you swore that you would do your best to keep things as normal as possible for Leni’s sake.  You didn’t want your daughter to lose the closest thing she had to a father figure, and you knew that Negan needed her too.

'We’ll get through this.’  You repeated the words to yourself like a mantra as you tossed the knotted blade of grass to one side, climbing to your feet and dusting yourself off, more than ready now to head for home.  In another hour, you’d lose the light, and you weren’t stupid enough to risk being out there alone in the darkness.  As you turned to leave, still murmuring, 'It’ll be okay.  We’ll be fine.  We can move past this,’ a low growl answered your assertions and you span on your heel, eyes narrowing as you scanned the forest beyond the stream.  Where there had been quiet only moments before, now there was a rising cacophony of snarls and snapping jaws, and the spaces between the trees seemed to blur as movement in the shadows revealed the presence of the herd.  You couldn’t make out how many there were, only that the forest now seemed to be filled with them, and they were coming right at you, only the thin flow of water between them and where you stood, suddenly terrified.

You span on your heel, taking off the way you’d come, following the stream until the path forked off, tripping on exposed roots and thick tufts of undergrowth in your hurry to get away.  Once, you fell, grazing your hands and knees as you hit the ground hard, and you didn’t have to turn your head to check whether the corpses had made it across the stream.  You could hear them, shuffling steadily onwards, single-minded in their pursuit, and you clambered to your feet, lurching forwards again as you forced yourself to keep moving.  

It should’ve been easy to follow the path, it certainly had been before, but in your hurry and with the light fading and the dead on your tail, you didn’t even realise you’d lost it until you found your way blocked by a thicket of spiny bushes, and you whirled around, trying desperately to figure out where you were, where you’d gone wrong.  Your skin was slicked with sweat, hair clinging to the back of your neck, and your chest heaved with every breath, legs aching in complaint when you took off running once again.  You had no clue whether you were going the right way, no way to double back to rejoin the path with the herd so close behind, but you had to keep moving, keep running, and hope.

In front of you, a steep bank came as if from nowhere, and you couldn’t stop yourself from toppling over the edge, losing your footing as you plummeted downwards.  The fall knocked the wind from your lungs but you couldn’t stop, couldn’t give yourself a chance to catch your breath, and you pictured your daughter’s face as you scrambled up the other side.  It was steep and the ground was loose underfoot so that you had to claw with your hands to drag your body upwards.  By the time you crested the top, you were filthy with mud and dust, and you scrubbed your hand across your forehead before stumbling aimlessly on.

_Leni.  Keep going.  You have to get back to her.  Keep moving, for her._

You had no clue how long you’d been running when you saw light in the distance.  Long enough that the sun had set and cast the world into gloom, and your muscles screamed with every step you took.  The dark mass of the factory loomed up in front of you and tears of relief welled in your eyes, blinding you as you broke through the treeline, almost falling again, though this time you managed to catch yourself before you went down, regaining your balance and forcing your tired, aching body into a sprint as you covered the ground between you and the fences.

'Help!  Help me, please!  I need help!’  Your voice was shrill but loud enough to bring the guards running, and you could see Negan with them, his height making him easily identifiable even at that distance.  As you drew nearer, you saw his eyes widen in horror, and you knew the corpses were emerging from the forest behind you, still set on devouring their prey.

'Shit!’  He sounded panicked, desperate, as he leapt into action, issuing orders even as you slammed into the fence, hands grabbing at the wire as you fought to heave yourself up the barricade, sharp barbs tearing at the skin of your hands.  'Have someone pull a truck around!  We need to divert them before they bring these fences down!’

You’d reached the top now, the barbed wire shredding your clothes as you tumbled over it, and his arms were reaching for you, saving you from falling headfirst onto the concrete, and he was gathering you up and cradling you against his chest.  

'Leni, where is she?’  Your first thought was for your daughter, and he was stroking your hair, and you were crying, big, heaving sobs as engines rumbled into life around the side of the building and the snarls of the herd drew nearer and nearer.

‘Inside.  It’s alright, she’s reading in my room.’

'Oh God, thank you.  Thank you.’

Your legs were moving, though you had no idea how, and then they weren’t anymore because Negan was sweeping you up into his arms and carrying you.  ‘Get on the radio!  I want every damn man we’ve got out here!  Gotta thin this herd out, do you understand?’

There were various noises of agreement, but you could barely hear them over the sound of your own pulse pounding in your ears.  Your head lolled against Negan’s shoulder and his familiar scent soothed you as he stepped inside, letting the door slam shut behind him.  The place must be on lockdown, you figured, with the herd so close, and you wondered how he’d known, why he’d been outside.

‘Th-they came out of nowhere,’ you mumbled against the smooth leather of his jacket, and you felt him nod as he began to climb the stairs.

‘They’ve been heading this way for a while.  We thought we’d managed to divert them a little so they’d pass us by, but something must’ve drawn them back this way.’

‘Oh.’  You wondered if it had been you, whether you were now the reason lives were at risk as they battled against the monsters at your fences.  ‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s fine.  We’ll handle it.  Isn’t the first, definitely won’t be the fucking last.’  He adjusted his grip on you, fingers biting into the backs of your thighs.  ‘Gotta ask, doll, what the hell were you thinking, going out there on your own?’

‘I-I was just-’

‘You scared the shit outta your daughter.  She went to check on you, came racing back, hammering on my damn door, said you were missing.  You had us worried.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘What were you doing?’

‘I just needed to get out for a while.’  It sounded lame now, even to your own ears, but it had been the truth at the time.  ‘Clear my head.  I didn’t think- I didn’t know-’

‘Yeah, you didn’t fucking think, at least we can agree on that.’  His words were harsh, but his tone lacked the edge you expected, and you reached out to cup his cheek as he reached the door to your room.  The blood on your finger smeared over his stubble, but he didn’t flinch when you met his gaze.  

‘I said I’m sorry.’

‘You could’ve fucking died out there!’

‘I know!’

He stooped to open your door with his elbow, stepping inside and setting you down, though he didn’t release you completely.  There was something in his eyes you didn’t recognise and his words were choked when he spoke again.  ‘Do you have any idea what it would have done to me to lose you?’

‘You’d have been fine,’ you insisted, but he was shaking his head.

‘Fuck, no, doll, I can’t even… You and the kid, you’re my whole fucking world, you have to know that!’

‘Negan-’

‘I could’ve lost you today.’

‘But you didn’t.’

‘But I could have.’  His gaze was locked on yours, searching, questioning, and you knew what was coming before the words left his lips.  ‘Marry me.’

You tried to pull away, but he refused to let you go.  ‘You know I can’t.’

‘Yes, you can.’  He pulled you closer, you bodies flush as he leant his forehead against yours.  ‘Marry me.’

‘Negan, your other wives-’

‘What other wives?’

Your jaw dropped and you could only stare at him until he offered you a small smile.

‘Today… Today made some things real fucking clear to me, doll, and I realised that it’s you I want to be with.  So, you say the word, just say the fucking word, and they’re gone, okay?  And it’ll just be you and me and Leni.’

You still couldn’t quite believe what you were hearing, though your heart gave a small leap of hope.  ‘You’re serious?  You want me to be your real wife, like, your only one?’

‘You heard me.’  He was smiling properly now, eyes shining, and your breath caught in your throat as he ducked his head to brush his lips over yours.  ‘I want us to be a fucking family, sweetheart.  So, whaddya say?’

‘Yes.’  You didn’t even need to think about it.  He was offering you everything you wanted and after your brush with death, you wanted it more than anything.  You weren’t sure you’d ever loved him more than you did in that moment.  ‘Yes, okay.  I’ll marry you!’

This time when his lips met yours, there was nothing soft about it.  His kiss was needy and desperate, and you could feel how scared he’d been when he’d discovered that you’d been gone.  You hated that you’d done that to him, to Leni, but you were here now, and everything felt as if it was falling into place.

When he finally broke away, he was beaming, and you couldn’t help but steal another kiss.  ‘Let’s go to your room.  I want to tell her before this goes any further.’

‘We will,’ he assured you, ‘We’ll tell her together.  Although…’

He tailed off and you took a step back, fazed by his hesitation.  ‘What?  What is it?’

‘Nothing, doll, I swear.  It’s just… You should probably take a shower first, that’s all.  You’re kind of a mess and you don’t wanna freak the kid out any more than she already is.’

You arched an eyebrow at him, but when he nodded towards the mirror, you moved to stand in front of it, gasping in shock at your appearance.  You were streaked with dirt, your hair a wild tangle, and there was blood smeared over your face.  Glancing downwards, you realised that the rest of you didn’t look much better, your clothes hanging from your frame in tatters.  And yet, your lips were full and kiss-bruised and your eyes were bright with hope, and, when Negan stepped up to stand behind you, stooping to ghost his lips over your shoulder, you thought it couldn’t have been a more perfect picture.

‘Okay, shower first, then we’ll tell her.’

That you were going to be his wife, his only one.  You couldn’t wait to tell the world.


End file.
